There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
