Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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