Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
