I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
