the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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