his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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