So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
