College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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