matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize