shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
