I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
