I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
