Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
