Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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