On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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