hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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