Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
operation have a gay friend backfired
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
