hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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