Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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