Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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