I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
