you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
