he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
