Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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