So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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