dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
