I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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