I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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