are you still at the devil's house?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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