you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize