you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
