He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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