this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
