Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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