Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize