Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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