By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
