like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
