It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
