I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
