I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
