we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
