She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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