dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
