those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
