my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
