Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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