Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
