Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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