Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
