I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
