those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Two words: blizzard sex
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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