my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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