Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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