I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my liver is dry heaving
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
