The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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