Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
