Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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