honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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