There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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