my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
