I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
