she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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